Comments on: Nuptuals http://prairieheartofdamascus.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/nuptuals/ A Kansan in the Middle East Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:30:11 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: AJ Nasreddin http://prairieheartofdamascus.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/nuptuals/#comment-60 AJ Nasreddin Tue, 22 Jul 2008 07:29:07 +0000 http://prairieheartofdamascus.wordpress.com/?p=78#comment-60 When the men get together, their primary reason is to set the dowry price. But first the father of the bride has to do a "check out" of the prospective groom. They ask about his education, his job - most importantly if the guy can keep his daughter up to the standard of living she's used to, or will the in-laws have to invest in the guy. Of course a flat is important. If the guy doesn't have a flat, he ought not be talking about marriage. In my experience, a US passport is as good as a flat in the city. The next job is to find out just enough about the guy in order to ask around about him. The bride's brothers and uncles will soon hit the streets to find out what people are saying about the groom-wannabe. If he checks out, things will move along smoothly. The dowry is usually set at $2000 as the first instalment. People will say this normal and says that this girl is as good as any other girl. To ask for more would be snobish. This is the amount everyone will mention so as to say "Yes, we are like anyone else." The "extras" are not always mentioned. For example, instalment number two might be several thousand dollars more, even several tens of thousands of dollars more. Then the gold is counted separate - and that can easily reach $5000 plus. Then the bride needs a completely new wardrobe for some odd reason which can reach several more thousands of dollars. Then there's the cost of the wedding party which again can run a few thousand dollars. Before I forget, refurbishing the flat in a complete make over is also expected and - you guessed it - can cost several thousand dollars. If the guy has any money left over, the honeymoon ought to be in Malaysia. Did I mention the guy needs to bring little gifts of gold every time he visits - a little pair of earrings, a little chain bracelet? That can run a $100 or more a visit! Now you can understand why Syrian men try to marry abroad if they have the chance - it's a lot cheaper! If somewhere along the line the bride's family doesn't like the guy, they will increase their demands on the different "extras" until the girl becomes too expensive - the sort of "nice" way to say "get lost." On the other hand, if the guy decides he doesn't like the girl, he'll refuse to bring gifts or pay for "extras" - kinda like saying "We can have a no frills, no thrills marriage." No self respecting girl would put up with such nonsense! This is of course the styreotypical Damascus wedding. Some people get hitched with less excitment and less expense. Most of the wedding parties that I have been to closely resemble the wakes I've been to - the death of freedom they say. Sometimes wishing for something is better than having it. When the men get together, their primary reason is to set the dowry price. But first the father of the bride has to do a “check out” of the prospective groom. They ask about his education, his job – most importantly if the guy can keep his daughter up to the standard of living she’s used to, or will the in-laws have to invest in the guy. Of course a flat is important. If the guy doesn’t have a flat, he ought not be talking about marriage. In my experience, a US passport is as good as a flat in the city.

The next job is to find out just enough about the guy in order to ask around about him. The bride’s brothers and uncles will soon hit the streets to find out what people are saying about the groom-wannabe. If he checks out, things will move along smoothly.

The dowry is usually set at $2000 as the first instalment. People will say this normal and says that this girl is as good as any other girl. To ask for more would be snobish. This is the amount everyone will mention so as to say “Yes, we are like anyone else.” The “extras” are not always mentioned. For example, instalment number two might be several thousand dollars more, even several tens of thousands of dollars more. Then the gold is counted separate – and that can easily reach $5000 plus. Then the bride needs a completely new wardrobe for some odd reason which can reach several more thousands of dollars. Then there’s the cost of the wedding party which again can run a few thousand dollars. Before I forget, refurbishing the flat in a complete make over is also expected and – you guessed it – can cost several thousand dollars. If the guy has any money left over, the honeymoon ought to be in Malaysia. Did I mention the guy needs to bring little gifts of gold every time he visits – a little pair of earrings, a little chain bracelet? That can run a $100 or more a visit! Now you can understand why Syrian men try to marry abroad if they have the chance – it’s a lot cheaper!

If somewhere along the line the bride’s family doesn’t like the guy, they will increase their demands on the different “extras” until the girl becomes too expensive – the sort of “nice” way to say “get lost.” On the other hand, if the guy decides he doesn’t like the girl, he’ll refuse to bring gifts or pay for “extras” – kinda like saying “We can have a no frills, no thrills marriage.” No self respecting girl would put up with such nonsense!

This is of course the styreotypical Damascus wedding. Some people get hitched with less excitment and less expense.

Most of the wedding parties that I have been to closely resemble the wakes I’ve been to – the death of freedom they say. Sometimes wishing for something is better than having it.

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